Julie Asks – Am I an Adult Yet?

Twenty seven years ago tomorrow I went out on my first date with the person who would become my husband.  (I cannot honestly say the “man” that would become my husband since he was 17 and, in all honesty, nowhere near being a man.)  We went to see the movie “Breaker Morant” which, as anyone who knows me will attest, was everything I hate in a movie.  I have no clue what it was about (I just remember they all had strange mustaches and even stranger voice inflections) as we were the obnoxious kids talking through the whole thing (this was before the PSAs asking you to shut your phone and your mouth became standard operating procedure).  It never dawned on me, in fact I would have called you crazy had you suggested it, that in 2008 we would be married for nearly 18 years and be living the life complete with a mortgage, kids and all the other stuff that supposedly says “adult.”

I realized today that on that day in May, 1981, the day that I first met my mother in law, she was the exact age I am now.  She was 43, had a kid in college, Rich was a junior in high school and his brother had recently had his Bar Mitzvah.  She had a big tudor house, four cars in the driveway (OMG…I never made that connection before!  The big difference being that where we have an antique Triumph and a Porsche she had station wagons and Oldsmobiles).  She prepared a real Shabbat dinner every Friday night (a tradition I did not embrace and, truth be told, I think she has held against me all these years.  In fact, she once told me that if I had been making Shabbat dinners all along Rich would never have gone to the Friday night beer hours (and hours) which caused so much, um, discussion, over the years.) and knew how to cook a turkey in her oven (growing up we always got our turkeys already cooked and stuffed – I didn’t know it was an option to cook it yourself.  Really).  It wasn’t that she looked old (she didn’t) it was just that I, at 16, thought she was old (she wasn’t).  And now, here I am, 43, with a six year old and a thirteen year old, realizing that this is how my kids’ friends see, gulp, me.

Okay, so I am not only crashing upon re-entry from my J-cation, now I am depressed.  Well, depressed may not be the right word.  Horrified?  Terrified? Panicked?  Troubled?  I must get a grip on this adulthood thing.  I know there are certain things I have accomplished which would qualify me as an adult:

1. I have had 43 birthdays
2. I have been married nearly 18 years. (All blissfully happy)
3. I have given birth twice.  Once without drugs.  I don’t recommend it.
4. I have a mortgage. (okay, and a line of credit.  shut up…everyone does)
5. I drive a car (that was the one my father always got hung up on…it freaked him out that I drove)
6. I have had and gotten rid of cancer.  Another one I don’t recommend.
7. I have ground my back teeth on both sides to the point of cracking them.  In my mind, root canals and crowns are for adults.
8. I have been laid off (not fired)(the company closed it’s doors, complete with my nearly vested, but suddenly worthless, stock shares)
9. I have been called Mrs. Ross.  More than once.
10. I have eulogized my father. 
11. Two kids I know regularly call me Mom.
12. I have gotten stopped for speeding. (and girled my way out of it )
13. I have a college degree (from a school I would probably not be accepted to if I were applying today)
14. Last weekend was my, oh, God, 25th high school reunion.
15. I have been called by the school principal regarding one of my darling’s behavior (in fairness, he, the principal, was totally overreacting…)
16. I get to set my own bedtime.  So what if I get in bed at 9?
17. I have lived in my own apartment, paid my own rent (usually on time) and sweet talked the super into fixing things now and not later.
18. I take a woman’s multivitamin every morning.  Without iron.  Trust me.
19. I remember when “The Brady Bunch” was on during primetime.
20. I get to grant (or deny) permission to my children. 
21. I have learned to cook my own turkey. (Okay, I know now that it is pretty much the easiest thing there is too cook, but let me bask in whatever glory I can find, would ya?)

I could go on (really, I swear I could) but you get the point.   Now here I am, clearly an adult on paper, yet still trying to decide what I want to be when I grow up.  I still have time, right?