Julie Asks – Am I an Adult Yet?

• My entire life I have been surrounded by guys.  I had one father, two brothers, three cousins (all of which were – still are – male), one husband (so far ) and two sons.  With the notable exception of my mother, when it comes to chromosomal makeup, I have been outnumbered.   I have to believe that has somehow played a role in making me who I am.  I choose not to delve deeper into that one.
• I also have an inappropriately emotional relationship with my hair.  It is thick, curly (not the tight, kinky icky curl, but the soft, flowy-ish kind) and there is a lot of it.  Sounds good, but, trust me, it is a curse.  No matter how many products I spend any amount of money on, none have been the perfect antidote to the weather.  Sure, some have rallied for a while, duped me into thinking they were the “one” but then, ultimately failed me.  And just when I think I have let go of it and just gone with the natural look I see a picture of myself and wonder why no one bothered to tell me…
• And speaking of pictures of myself…there’s another sensitive issue.  I firmly believe I am one of those people who are incapable of photographing well.  Either that, or I look way worse than I think I do.  That does great things for my sense of self.  That said, I have become such a whore for a good picture of myself that this week alone I have cropped three people (some more than once) out of photos in a vain effort to make myself look good. 
• Over the course of the past week, Georgie has addressed me by a variety of titles, none of which is Mom.  They include, but are not limited to: Maestro, Fraulein, Cupcake and SugarPlum.  He also took offense to the pattern on a small Vera Bradley wristlet I have.  He examined it and inquired as to whether I had bought it or had it given to me.  I told him it had been a gift to which he responded: “ah, that makes sense…have you seen your sense of fashion?”  I am going with the theory that he thought it wasn’t as cool as I am.  I am ignoring the possibility that he found it hipper and cooler than I usually am. 
• In a recent evening of Bananagrams, I boldly announced to my gamemates (aged 13 and 14) that I was playing to win…not gonna throw the game in deference to their age and assumed inferior speed and vocabulary.  They proceeded to kick my ass.  Repeatedly.  (Between you and me, I let them win…)
• I swear like a sailor.  Always have.  That said, I have never dropped the F bomb in front of my kids.  That, dear friends, is a miracle.  Even more of a miracle given my kids.
• Harrison is 5″10″ and weighs 120 pounds.  I think that makes him a supermodel.
• I have an eagle eye.  On a nearly daily basis I spot typos on menus, signs, advertisements and in texts.  One time after looking at the awning of store I felt compelled to go in to tell them that “jewelry” is not spelled “jewlry”.  Pathetic considering it was a, yup, jewelry store.  I’m guessing someone got an ass kicking for that one.
• I am off to escort Georgie to see “Ponyo” which I fear is going to be another insufferable animated film, but given the fact we had to leave the pool after 30 minutes today when the sky filled with thunder I guess I kinda owe him. (Not that I can control the weather, but, damn, there’s that mother’s guilt again!)  Fortunately, it is playing at a theater that actually pops their own popcorn.  That’s worth the price of admission right there.

Here it is, early August and I am struck by the following:

1. Today, if memory serves me correctly, is the first really freakin’ hot day all summer.  I am not including the ridiculous heatwave we had in May (which was arguably the linchpin for finally getting central air).  Is it just me, or haven’t we usually been suffering through the three H’s repeatedly by this time of year.
2. Georgie is done with camp at the end of this week.  And, to add insult to injury, they had the audacity to make Friday a half day.   A half summer is more like it!  To be clear, camp is no longer available after 1:00 o’clock on Friday.  Game over.  End of season.  Wrong.
3. Today would have been my parent’s 52nd wedding anniversary.  That’s insane.
4. Harrison, having opted to only attend camp for the first session, has been home for two weeks.  I cannot even recall his having been away.
5. Not only have we not been to the beach even once this whole season, but no one in my house has even suggested or requested that we do so.  We have, however, logged many, many, many hours at the pool.

Last week I went to the 40th birthday party of a great friend.  At said party I was struck by the following:

1. The closer I get to 45 the younger 40 seems to me. 
2. Of the 11 women at the table, I was the only one with curly hair (not entirely true – just the only one who didn’t take the time to blow it straight) and the only one with glasses (again – this is not indicative of quality of vision, rather effort to put in my contacts).  This lead me to a contemplative phase regarding my laziness.
3. Great line of the evening to a fellow party go-er who was dressed in, well, a dress about which everyone was commenting: “hmmm…I guess I dress like a dyke every other day of the year, huh?” (not that there is anything wrong with that…)
4. The favor supplied by the guest of honor’s sister in law was what, at first blush, looked like a dose of Botox complete with a syringe ribboned to the top.  In reality, it was a chocolate bar, but I swear I heard a collective sigh of disappointment when it became clear we had not, indeed, been gifted Botox.  (See #1)
5. Girlfriends are the best.  Even the ones you just meet…

Somes Dos and Don’t

Do try Zazz Seltzer, Stop and Shop’s house brand…way better than my former fave, Polar.

Do drink it with a straw.  A straw makes everything better.

Don’t make the mistake I did and introduce your children to fine food and sushi.  It is a very expensive (and difficult to break) habit.

Do get regular manicures and pedicures.  I don’t know how much more I can espouse their vast benefits.

Do teach your sons to be good fathers and husbands – your daughters in law will thank you.

Do keep up with the goings on of Jon and Kate.  I can promise it will make you feel better about your situation.

Don’t throw away what looks likes a stupid piece of paper but is really the new Massachusetts car registration form.  It’ll cost ya.

Do have me in the car when you need to park.  I have exceptional parking karma.  Really.  All the time.  Like Saturday night when I got a spot directly in front of the restaurant in the South End.  Trust me on this one…that’s impressive.

Don’t bother yourself with trying to understand some of the idiosyncrasies of your children.  I might never know why Georgie strips down to his underwear upon entering the house.  I’m okay with that.

Do ask around if people are mandated reporters before threatening to kill your kids.  Just sayin’.

Don’t trust me at the market.  I am literally (and physically) incapable of running in for one item.  I’ve never done it.  I usually go in for one thing and wind up leaving with at least fifty fewer dollars in my wallet.  I am also known among the 14 year old set in my neighborhood  for having the most spanking pantry (both sweet and salty needs fulfilled) around.